We’re Coming Out (at Work)

With recent federal protections for being openly LGBTQ+ in the workplace, more and more people are sharing their authentic selves at their job.

Check out this ep to hear about the importance of knowing exactly what to say and do when someone at your company comes out.

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Show Notes:

Welcome to Part Eight of the Be Proud series, 10 essentials for LGBTQ+ inclusion in the workplace. On the previous episode, I covered the importance of having systems to support a transgender staff's chosen name, to show up in all spaces and having gender pronouns, be a normal part of your company culture today, I'll be talking about having a protocol for exactly what to say and do when a staff member comes out as LGBTQ+ within the workplace.

I'm really excited about this topic. When I was in the research and development stage for creating my LGBTQ+ inclusive certification program for businesses, I reached out to a lot of people that I know who work in corporate DEI positions or corporate diversity equity and inclusion director positions, committee members, etcetera.

and I was meeting with one of them and I was vetting out some different ideas for kind of the core tenants that were gonna be part of my program. And one of them was what to do when someone at your job, if that's somebody that works under you, if that's a colleague, if that's a team member comes out as LGBTQ+, you know, what are you supposed to do?

What's the affirmative response there. And I mentioned this to the person that I was talking to, who is a director of diversity equity inclusion for a really large tech company. And they were like, oh yes. Yep. That's the one that I would want. Like, that's the one that speaks to me the most. I've never heard of anyone offering that.

I don't know what to do. If somebody who works under me comes out and I want this info. So like, yes, love it. And I was like, oh, okay, cool, great. Like, I was kind of surprised. I thought it was a cool idea to include as a lesson, but it didn't necessarily, it wasn't a standout to me in kind of the 10 things that a company needs to do in order to be fully inclusive.

I almost thought of it as like this kind of fun little bonus type thing I was gonna throw in. But based on the reaction, I was like, okay, this is really important. And this is something to put some attention to. It also showed me that people coming out within the workplace is not on a lot of people's radar.

I don't think they're anticipating it because they don't necessarily think that it's going to happen. They're just not thinking about it. And then it happens and then they don't know what to do. Let's take a look at some of the stats that the Williams Institute put out in 2021. So pending. Let's see what 20, 22 offers.

I bet these numbers are gonna change, but at that time in 2021, they found that 50% of LGBTQ+ people were not out to their supervisor. 25% of people were not out to anyone at their job. That's a lot of people that shows that there are still a lot of people who have the potential to come out at their job.

And there's reasons to suggest that more and more people will. Number one, because as of 2020 Queer people gained federal protections to come out at their job, that is a really, really, really big deal because the workplace historically has not been a safe place to be openly LGBTQ+ hence, a lot of people being closeted at their jobs and it's not like that federal protection.

Magically makes all of the struggles and worries and apprehensions to be out, go away. It doesn't because they're still there. And there's still some things to contend with. However, having legal protections is pretty major and that gives a lot of people, the oomph to go, you know what I'm going for? This, I'm tired of it.

I don't wanna hide who I am anymore. That does not feel good. That causes a lot of stress. That takes a toll on a person's sense of self. It reinforces the messages that we grew up with that we are not allowed to talk about who we are, and we need to deny who we are, and that does not feel good. And that does not support a person's growth.

And that is a part of how they show up at their job, how they contribute to that company. How invested they are with that company. So I'd like everyone listening to take a pause and think about, has anyone ever come out to me before? What was that like for me, did I feel confident that I said and did the right thing in response

now? I want everyone to think. What would it be like for me, if someone came out to me within my workplace,

what worries do you have is what you would say to a colleague the same as what you would say to a friend or family member? Take a moment to reflect on that.

So, again, being openly LGBTQ+ in the workplace is a federal protection more and more people are feeling compelled. To be their authentic selves at their job. They're sharing who they are, they're sharing how they identify and they're incorporating that into their work. Hey, everyone, Eric here with a question for you.

What's your company's inclusion score if you're like, um, I don't know. How do I measure that? Don't worry. I've got you. I've created a free checklist of the 10 essentials. Your organization needs to celebrate the LGBTQ+ community. It only takes a few minutes to discover your score and you'll get practical ways to make it higher.

Hashtag winning to level up your diversity, equity, and inclusion. Head over to Be Proud With Eric dot com slash inclusion checklist. Most major companies are prioritizing inclusion. They are increasing their Queer inclusion. They have groups at their companies dedicated to supporting their Queer and allied staff.

They're displaying pride flags. They're doing events for pride month. They are showing people. We want you to be who you are and more and more people are. Now from a company perspective, this is a good thing. This is a really good thing because hiding who you are in certain spaces, for example, your job causes stress.

When we're stressed at work, we have decreased focus. Our performance is not as strong being open about who you are, highly reduces that stress. Conversely not being who you are, feels bad. So if work is one of those spaces, you're less invested in that company and you're not going to stay there long term and business owners and managers and leadership and HR know that company retention is a struggle and it cost businesses money.

On the other hand, getting to proclaim who you are, feels so good. It's really empowering, especially for a group of people whose identities aren't necessarily just seen. They're not just inherently known. Yes. People may make assumptions that somebody is LGBTQ+ that's problematic that shouldn't be happening.

But it's not something that you can just know about someone it's something that we have to say for ourselves. So when we get to do that, it feels really empowering. It improves our mood. It improves our confidence, our sense of self. And if we are in a space that not only recognizes who we are, but celebrates who we are, we are more invested in them while this is great for companies.

The tricky part is they don't know how to help facilitate it happening. And when it does happen, they don't know what to do in response. If you are on the receiving end of someone coming out to you at work and you have a deer in headlights moment, meaning you kind of freeze up, especially if you're in HR leadership management, that is damaging.

It's hard to come out. It's scary to come out at a job. People do not know what the response is gonna be, and they don't know how it's gonna impact their position, which is their livelihood and security. It's a very scary thing to do. So here's the reality, like. No pressure, but you've got some pressure on you.

If you're in a management position, you need to know how to respond to this in a way that helps that person to feel good about that interaction. If it goes wrong, bad people, leave companies over that happening. If somebody comes out at their job and they don't get a positive and appropriate response, they're not likely to stay there.

even if their response isn't like inherently bad, if they come out and then nothing happens, there's no follow up to that. That's going to decrease the likelihood of them staying on. I know, like for myself in personal experience and for working in Queer mental health, that a lot of times friends and family members.

Aren't sure what to do. And this applies to companies as well. People just aren't sure what to do when somebody comes out to them, they're like, are we supposed to make a big deal out of it? Are we supposed to do nothing and just act like it's totally fine. So while there's no kind of like hard and fast rule here, People do want it to be followed up on, right.

We want people to like recognize it. It takes a lot to do, and it's not just the type of thing where we want someone to be like, okay, check. And then it's never brought up again. It's strange when that happens. So if you have a protocol in place, you'll feel the relief and confidence of knowing exactly what to do.

And you're setting that person. Who's coming out to you up for an affirming experience.

Now, if your business goes through my inclusion certification program, this is built into that. You are gonna learn in practice exactly what to say and do when somebody at your company comes out to you. This includes scripts for what to say. This includes lessons on what not to say. This is very important as a proud gay person.

I continually come out throughout my life, including in various professional spaces. I've cringed through all the well-meaning things that people have said to me when they were trying to be affirming. And I wanna make sure that you don't repeat them. We're going to practice what to say together. It's one thing to get the information, but you've gotta give it a go.

Actually, you've gotta give it a few goes because that's how you're gonna get more comfortable. And it's how you're gonna troubleshoot the hiccups. And it's how you're gonna be prepared for when it actually happens in real life. Bring on the role play you're going to be you. I'm going to be somebody coming out to you at work.

I'm gonna give you the feedback after, and we're gonna keep practicing it until you feel fully confident in how to affirmatively respond. When someone comes out to you at your job, if you're not ready for the full certification program, but you wanna get comfortable with this happening, we can just start there if you're like, okay, you know what?

I, I want it. I want this, I want this info. I don't know what to do. Tell me let's practice it. We can make that happen. Now, like I mentioned earlier, this is really exciting for me. I love this topic because my mission is to elevate my community. And now I've got this insider info that this is something that companies want and that they're excited for and that they don't know how to do.

I get to help my fellow Queer people to come out and be themselves at their job. And I get to help companies know how to navigate that process in a way that feels good to them and celebrates that person. This is a win-win and I know how good it feels to be out in all spaces.

On the next episode of the workplace inclusion series, I'll be covering how to amp up your business's inclusion through sponsoring a Queer organization.

Until next time, stay proud.

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