How to Show People Who Come to Your Office You're an Ally
Visual cues communicate what a space is about.
Without observable signs, you’re leaving people to guess.
And for members of oppressed groups, we tend to guess we’re not welcome first.
I break down:
How companies can show their Allyship to people accessing their office
Whether or not businesses should use rainbow logos during Pride month
Why your org needs a gender neutral restroom
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Show Notes:
Welcome to part three of the Be Proud series, 10 essentials for LGBTQ+ inclusion in the workplace. Today, I'll be talking about the importance of showing visible support to the Queer community in physical spaces. So here's the thing, visual cues in a space communicate what that space is about and what it's not about.
So if someone walks into that space and there are no observable signals, there's a lack of safety there. You're leaving people to guess. And for members of groups that have been systemically oppressed, we tend to guess that we are not welcome first. So by having clear visibility in support of the Queer community, you can show anyone accessing your space, that you are an ally.
I know for me as a gay person and for someone who is a champion of LGBTQ+ advocacy, anytime that I'm out and about in a public space. And if I see a pride symbol, it instantly creates a sense of safety for me. And it also brings me a lot of joy. On the safety front, I can literally feel my shoulders relax.
I can take a deeper breath. Because wherever I am, that business, that company, that public space is signaling to me in an overt, direct way. Hey, we support your community and we welcome you in. And again, if you don't have that signal, there, there's a message there too. The message isn't necessarily we don't support you and we don't welcome you in here.
The message being communicated is no message. You're just not saying anything at all. And again, we don't know unless you tell us, and if we don't know anything, we're more likely to not feel safe and welcome in a new space because. The world historically has not welcomed the Queer community in. They have not said, it's great to be who you are.
And we welcome who you are taking that extra step helps fight against that and helps create that sense of affirmation. Anytime if I'm traveling in a new city, and if I see pride flags around like particularly, I mean, I think this happens more often in the downtown areas, it always excites. It always is like, wow. It never gets old for me. For example, by best friend and sister live in Baltimore,
and I've been visiting there more recently. And in Baltimore, which you know, is a city area and does have kind of like a downtown vibe to it. There are pride flags everywhere, and it's so cool to see. I love that. That excitement and relief and safety also translates to physical spaces in the form of going to professional spaces.
I've had new companies that I've worked for in the past. Like I've gone there to like, do my onboarding, you know, for example, I'm thinking of a, a tech company that I worked for that was based in San Francisco. And, uh, it was a remote position, but they flew us all out there for the initial training and for the onboarding.
And one, that was just a lot of fun because, I never thought as a therapist that I would work for a tech company someday. And then I also didn't know that I would do therapy and now my consulting work virtually, I never knew that was going to be a thing for me. So here I was all of a sudden working for a tech company that was doing remote therapy.
And so I got to like, see the things that I've heard about for so long from like my friends and my clients that work in the tech space where it's like everyone's dressed casually and there's snacks everywhere. And there's like an amazing coffee bar there spaces to like lounge and relax. It's modern. I just loved it.
And walking into that space, I saw clear symbols of support to the community. And I was like, yes, this is the kind of place that I want to be working. Now in comparison, I've also worked for many companies that did not have any kind of visual support to the LGBTQ+ community. And that is problematic.
And I wouldn't like walk in the door and be like, there's no pride symbols anywhere we need to fix this because you know, what I have found is first you kind of have to establish some credit before anyone's going to listen to you. And people can get defensive too. Like if they perceive it, as you're telling them something that they're doing wrong as a company.
So I try to frame it as like, Hey, here's the way this company can improve wink, wink. But you know, once I was a bit established at these companies, I would let them know, Hey, this is an expertise that I have. I can help you improve your culture here and your sense of inclusion. And here's how. People walking in the door need to see a symbol for the Queer community that shows that this company is an ally to that community.
Well, it shows something, it shows at least that the company knows the importance of having that visual representation in their space. Does that necessarily translate to it being an inclusion inclusive company? Meaning does that translate to them? Investing time, energy and money into understanding the experiences of the Queer community and how they can support them.
Not necessarily. I'm going to talk more about that in a little bit. I also just as a consumer, sometimes I share this as a quick tip. If I'm in a new professional space, for example, like providers that I go for various things, it could be anything. It could be like a hairstylist. Uh, healthcare space, whatever it is.
Again, I feel it out. Sometimes I feel out if it's like, if they want to know this information or not, but sometimes in conversation, if you're like, oh, you know, what do you do for work? And if I tell them I'm a consultant who helps companies be more inclusive to the Queer community, sometimes they're like, oh wow.
How are we doing? You know, any tips for us. And so that's something that I will candidly share. Well, here's the thing, you know, when I walk in, I have no way to know that this company supports the Queer community. There's no visibility. And if it's a company that has like brochures in the lobby or, you know, signage and stuff like that, it's so it's not all about just having a pride flag up.
I think that's really foundational and that translates. You know, members of the community know what that pride flag is. And so do other people too, but also like, you know, depending on the services that you offer there are you giving visual cues that you serve Queer people. A note here about trauma informed care.
This is particularly relevant to anyone who works in the field of mental health. However, this does translate into any professional space, actually, any space at all.
Trauma informed care helps us to know that when people who have experienced complex trauma walk into a new space, they are scanning that environment. Sometimes intentionally. And oftentimes subconsciously. And that is a way to know, am I safe in this space or not? So this isn't just for Queer people. This is something that can show up and often does show up for anyone who has experienced a form of complex trauma related to being part of a marginalized group.
And the more oppressed identities that that person has the higher, the level of trauma, the amplified and intersecting levels of that trauma. So for members of marginalized groups, when they're walking into a new space, they are looking around, am I safe here? Am I represented here?
So call to all allies out there. It's very important to display pride flags in your home and your business. If you are in charge of any kind of space where people gather. And you don't have to be LGBTQ+ to display a pride flag. I don't directly relate to it, but I can sort of see how somebody who's not a member of the community would be like, that's so cool.
I love pride flags go Queer pride, but why would I display one? I'm not a member of that community. So like, first of all, is it even my thing to display? Like, am I allowed to do it? I know some people wonder that they're like, is it appropriation? I'm not actually a community member. And also, but beyond. You know, kind of on a like a deeper psychological level,
I can understand how, if you're not a part of the group, you're like, that's not really my group. So why am I going to make quote, unquote sort of like an extra effort to display a symbol for that group? So here's the thing. While I can understand that logic and that rationale, if you are an ally, let that be known.
Because again, that visibility is really foundational way for an oppressed group to get some representation. It's not everything, don't get me wrong. Like there's more to it than just that, but it's like, increased visibility is what leads to more representation and more conversations. And if we think about it, putting out pride symbols in spaces helps people to feel safe in those spaces. To come out in those spaces. To share about their lived experiences of what being a Queer person is like for them.
And all of those things support increased awareness for members that are in a part of those groups. Which is supporting inclusion on the whole. It's like, it might seem like something small, but it's actually really major. And personally, I appreciate it. You know, I think it's amazing. I love seeing a pride symbols anywhere from Queer people, but especially from allies.
And I know that might sound a little tricky because it's like, wait a minute. Like, shouldn't Queer people get the credit for having Pride symbols? Yes. But it's kind of like allies doing it. It's taking our cause to the next level. It's reaching more people. It's also communicating a message there. I'm doing this because it's important for me as an ally to do, and not just during June, which is national LGBTQ+ plus pride month in the U S and in many countries, it is also recognized as their pride.
That's something that often companies do, right? They're like it's June, we're going to change our logo to rainbow. We're going to put some posts on our Instagram with rainbow flags and talk about how we're allies. So like, don't get me wrong. Yes, please do that. That's fine. That never gets old to me. I always enjoy it, but it's not enough.
It can seem kind of performative if you're only doing it in June. And what are you doing for the rest of the year and what are you doing also behind the scenes to actually support inclusion at your company? This is a trend that I have seen in recent years is that, you know, businesses for, for some time, many businesses have displayed Pride symbols during June in I'd say the past,
um, five years or so this has really kicked up. Like, it's kind of like, if you're not doing it, it kind of doesn't look good. And so most businesses are doing that, but the new trend that I've been seeing in the past, like year or two is when businesses are promoting pride stuff, like for example, on their social media, I'm seeing people actually comment and be like at business name, neat that you're displaying a pride symbol.
However, it's also really important that this company is doing things to back up the community and support inclusion. So what is this company specifically doing to learn the needs of our community and to implement change? And I remember the first time I saw that I was like, oh, snap. Like yes. People,
and again, this is a result up diversity, equity, inclusion, getting so much traction in recent years because people are speaking out because people are saying like, enough is enough. Like I'm tired of just sitting back and, you know, being told to be quiet. So like, I think that lends itself to freedom for someone to actually be like, Hey, cool.
So what else is this company doing? It's sorta like, what grade do you have? Is it just posting a rainbow picture? Cause that doesn't really fly. Any more. I mean, it kind of never did, but it more so doesn't it anymore. So visibility is crucial, but it's not enough.. You actually have to be doing things to implement change and to be creating inclusion at your organization.
Hey everyone. Eric here with a question for you. What's your company's inclusion score if you're like. Mmm, I don't know. How do I measure that? Don't worry. I've got you. I've created a free checklist of the 10 essentials your organization needs to celebrate the LGBTQ+ community. It only takes a few minutes to discover your score and you'll get practical ways to make it higher.
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Now, one of the things that I have talked about in my trainings that I have done in professional spaces for many, many years, which I love doing is like, so I've been telling people visibility's crucial.
You know, especially like for people that are directly serving clients, when clients walk in your office, they don't know. And so if you have that symbol, they are going to then feel more safe to share with you that they identify within the community and to ask things and get information specific to whatever that service is that you're offering.
Now I know because I've seen this play out. That sometimes for people who are cis/het, which stands for cisgender and heterosexual. What that means is if you're cisgender, that is sort of like the opposite of being transgender, this is sort of the everyday way to say it. Your gender identity aligns with your biological sex.
So I'm cisgender my gender identity is male that aligns with my biological sex. The more inclusive way to say that is my gender assigned at birth. And het stands for heterosexual, which means people who are attracted to the opposite gender. Going back. So for people that are cis/het, if they're displaying a pride symbol to show that they're an ally, sometimes what happens is what I call the, are you gay the effect, which means.
Sometimes people will be in your space and there'll be like, they'll see that symbol they'll know what it means. And they'll be like, oh, a Pride symbol, are you gay? And so like, you know, that can catch you off guard. What I recommend here is it's, it's an educational opportunity. One, if you are a Queer person and you want to share what your identity is, go for it.
I think there's a lot of empowerment in doing that. And in showing. Yes I am. And yes, that's an okay thing for me to share with you. If you're not, and you're an ally, you don't have to qualify that to them one way or another. You can, you can say I'm an ally, which means I don't identify within the community, but I support the community.
You can also throw in some education there. Hey, you know what? Pride flags aren't just for gay people. They're for anyone who wants to share that they support that community. Now here's a story about a time that this actually came from one of my therapy clients who is a member of the Queer community, and also works in Queer advocacy.
And so like, you know, their identity is really important to them and they were sharing about how their mom's church was considering, well, they were trying to make some efforts to be more inclusive and they were considering, should we display an LGBTQ+ pride flag outside of the church? They were like, we see some places doing this.
Is that a thing? Is there value to that? Should we be doing that? So what did they do? They met as a group. A group that had no one within it who identified as LGBTQ+, they talked about it and they opted not to because they didn't think it was necessary. This group of cis/ het people were like, we support the community.
I don't think it's necessary to display a, a pride flag in order to communicate that. Wrong. Wrong. Had they asked anyone else had they gotten some insider info from a community member that probably could have swayed that decision. Okay. So let's take it even a little bit further. So this idea that they were like, we don't have to do that in order to show that we support members of the Queer community.
One, I don't think that's true for all of the reasons that I've mentioned. And two, I think it's about more than that. I think underneath of that, really what they're saying is we don't want to. We don't want to put a pride flag out there because what does that say about our organization? Maybe they don't want to be known as the church that welcomes Queer people.
Maybe they're worried, what will people think if they don't support the community? Like, well, are people going to think we're like this crazy liberal, progressive church and might that turn them off to us? I think that's ultimately what it's about when people are like, should we display pride, symbols and opt
not to, I think it's because they don't want to. And they don't think it's necessary for them to do it, which, Hey, maybe it's not. Because remember, it's not about you, it's not about your group. It's about welcoming people in who by default are not welcomed in this world. Do I wish they had consulted with someone or gotten even just, you know, recruited someone part of the conversation that was in the community?
Yes. Unfortunately, that didn't happen.
As a company, as an organization, this is something that you could do. Bring someone else in, have them tour your physical space, ask them like what's, what's working and what's not working. Are we demonstrating that we are an ally to the community? This is something that I do. This is something that I love to do.
I can totally go into a space and be like, here's, what's working. Here's what's in the not, here's what you need. And now again, remember visibility is crucial, but it's not everything. You also have to have some cred to back your organization up. So where I can help there. One, if you want, like the full cred, I can actually certify your organization. Top to bottom,
I can tell you all the things that you need to do. And I can put my stamp on it saying, bam, this company is LGBTQ+ inclusive. That's some pretty strong cred. Now, if you're not there yet, I can also just help with some individual projects, you know, let me know what you're working on. Let me know what your company does.
Let me know the type of work that you do. And we can find some ways to increase some inclusion, which also gives cred. Another part of visibility and physical spaces is it's really important to have at least one gender neutral restroom that is easily accessible to your staff and to the clients that you serve.
So note here, I will be expanding on the importance of restroom use for trans non binary and gender nonconforming people. And, I'm going to be intentional about bringing members of those communities in to share their stories and to educate from a place of lived experience. However, one it's important for all businesses, office spaces, professional spaces, because having a gender neutral bathroom suggests that it's an inclusive environment.
And it shows the company cares about DEI or diversity, equity and inclusion. While gender neutral restrooms are an area that does specifically impact trans non binary and gender nonconforming people in very real ways, it's also about greater inclusion. What is a gender neutral restroom? This is a restroom that is not marked by gender.
Historically restrooms in the U S have been designated as male or female based on a binary system of gender there. It's this one, or it's that one. It's also really important to not only have a gender neutral restroom, but you need to communicate it in a clear way that that's what it is. Why? Because you don't want to lead people to guess number one.
And again, that is an observable thing that anyone accessing your space can see and can then connect the dots. Oh, this company, prioritizes inclusion. Again, I'm going to talk about this more in future episodes, but why they, why do they matter? Because using the restroom is just a fundamental human experience.
It's something that we all need to do. And it's important to have safety in doing so. Pervasively, there is a lack of safety in restroom use for members of the trans community, non binary people and people who are gender nonconforming. So here's the thing. Disclaimer, I'm not a medical doctor. Needing to use the restroom and not being able to, because there's not safety in doing so that has implications for physical health and mental health.
There's a lot of anxiety there, anticipatory anxiety about sort of like, what's this going to be like, is it going to be safe in there? Am I going to be harassed in there? Am I going to be discriminated against? And while using the restroom, there's also a lot of anxiety that plays out.
Again, going back to having visibility in the space or not communicates things. So if there's a space where the only restroom options are binary, AKA male or female that says something. It certainly says something to people who are trans non-binary and gender nonconforming. However, it also says something to anyone in that space who has an understanding of inclusion.
Here's the thing, this one you could, um, this kind of tricky, you can take this and kind of do it on your own just in knowing, okay. Like Eric is saying, this is an essential part of inclusion. So we need to figure this out. We need to have a gender neutral restroom option. And, or I recommend get someone to help you.
Get somebody who has some kind of expertise and knowing sort of like how to do this, because I think it's great to want to do it and to give it a go on your own and, or even better, if you can get some help and make sure that you're doing it right, I can certainly help with this. If this is something that your organization does not have, and this is something that you want to do to level up your inclusion,
let me know. I can help you with. Slash it's also part of my greater inclusion certification program. So if that's something that you participate in, this will be included within that. All right. So now you have some great information on how you can increase safety and inclusion by showing physical cues in support of the LGBTQ+.
Stay tuned for the next part of this series, where I will be talking about the importance of visibility in your virtual spaces.
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