Don't Exclude Us. How to Update the Language on Your Forms
Filling out paperwork is tedious.
And when who you are isn’t represented in those forms, it adds salt to the wound.
I break down:
Common mistakes I see on agency forms
How to update your docs
How I helped a clothing company execute an LGBTQ+ inclusive customer research survey
CLICK BELOW TO LISTEN
Show Notes:
Welcome to part three of the Be Proud series, 10 essentials for LGBTQ+ Inclusion in the Workplace. Today, I'll be talking about the importance of having forms and documentation that have Queer inclusive language. Let's start off with some common mistakes that I see. First of all, a lot of companies out there, their forms and documentation are really outdated.
They've had them for some time. It was probably a lot of work to generate them to begin with. And they haven't given fresh eyes to them and updated them to be current in 2022. So even separate from being Queer inclusive, that's a good recommendation for all companies out there. Like, look your forms over, edit them, update them.
Now oftentimes the language that's within them is non-inclusive to the Queer community. For example, there's often a lot of gendered language, sort of like an old school example of this is saying, like, if you're referring to employees at your company, his or her. Reminder from the episode on pronouns, the singular, they/them is now deemed correct and conversationally
it's how we all have talked for a long time anyhow, so no need to include his or her. It is not inclusive. I would recommend a singular they/them there. Other ways that language within these forms can be non-inclusive is like, for example, describing couples as husband and wife, that represents a straight couple that does not therefore represent Queer couples. For forms out there, there's often like set box options,
and that could be very limiting in general, but particularly for questions that are asking about identities, LGBTQ+ people are often left out of that conversation. I think there's a few different reasons that organizations tend to leave out Queer language in their forms. Number one, I think most of the time they just don't realize it.
Because we live in a society that is heteronormative and cis normative. What do those things mean? So normative means it's the norm by default, it's the given because in our society, the dominant group or the highest number of people are heterosexual and cisgender by default, those people and those identities are represented and they are the norm.
And so anything that goes against that is considered othered. So if you're in that dominant majority, you're already represented everywhere by default, not only in like forms and documentation, but also in the media, in movies and advertise a company brochures, et cetera. So, because you're always represented, you just don't notice it.
However, for us as members of the LGBTQ+ community, we do notice it because we're often not included and we realize that. So an inclusive approach makes efforts to therefore represent groups that often aren't portrayed by default. So I think that's like, One of the main reasons. I think companies just don't realize it.
It's not on their radar. If they're members of those groups, they've never really had to think about that before, because again, they don't notice it. Another thing that happens is people are afraid of doing it wrong. They don't want to say it wrong, said they're just leaving it off, which reinforces the null environment. Null meaning it's just not talked about.
It's just not part of the conversation. It's just not there at all. So that has implications on whether or not people feel like they belong, whether they are welcomed in spaces or not. So let's talk about the different types of forms and documentation that there are within companies. So first of all, you have your internal forms.
These are things such as like your employee handbook, things that you use during onboarding company policies, things like that. You also have forms and docs that are employee facing. For example, these are things like company newsletters that go out once a month, brochures, information on things happening within the organization that employees can benefit from and utilize.
And then you also have client facing forms and docs. So these are things that consumers or people that are utilizing your products or services are seeing from you. So for example, like your website, copy. Your marketing materials, brochures that go out to the public customer research surveys. There are ways to make all of these forms more inclusive.
So first of all, I covered this in talking about the importance of data collection, but just a reminder, if you're asking about demographic information, include asking someone's sexual orientation, gender identity, and pronouns. And parentheses on pronouns, particularly if you're going to be interacting with those people or referring to them or discussing them with the information that you're gathering, or if you just want to be inclusive, no harm in doing that.
And it might go a long way to make someone feel like they belong. Another great recommendation is to across the board, use gender neutral language. Anytime you have things in your forms that are saying that things pertain to women or things pertain to men. Those can all be wiped out. Another way that company documentation can be inclusive, particularly from an HR perspective, is to have a way for members of the transgender community, or the trans community,
to be able to input what their chosen name is and to have that show up across all spaces within the company. Even if that name differs from their current legal name, as a therapist who specializes in working with the Queer community, I have a lot of clients that are transgender, non binary and gender nonconforming.
And this is a common struggle that they talk about in sessions. They've already made all of this progress in being able to come out and proclaim who they are at their job. And oftentimes those companies, even when they're supportive, they don't have a way for that person's name, their chosen name, the name that they have adopted for themselves,
that is not the same as their legal name. Many companies don't have a way for that to show up in the system. And that is really problematic. That can be really activating to see that old name or often referred to within the community as their dead name. It's also a way to inadvertently out that person, someone who like has already transitioned within their company and is known by their identified name and gender.
And then all of a sudden they're old or dead name is popping up and people are like, what? Who's that? And that's then compromising that person's privacy, potentially that person safety. So it's really, really important to have ways to be collecting that information. And for a person's chosen name to show up in all spaces now, depending on what the form is.
You also want to find out ways that, that information that you're collecting, how that pertains to that person's identity, for example, like healthcare. So if you're asking about how they identify, why, you know, and what are the implications of that? If you're doing this, like surveying your company, You can tie this back to like, Hey, here's why we're asking about this one.
We want to be inclusive. And to did you know that this company offers specific resources to the LGBTQ+ community? For example, an employee resource group. Spoiler: that's another essential that all companies need to have. I'm going to be dishing on that on another part of this series. I want to share about a opportunity that I had to assist a company recently with producing a form that was inclusive to the Queer community.
So, first of all, how this came about was I had been doing a lot of networking and getting the word out there, letting people know, Hey, You know, I'm a proud Queer person. I've worked in LGBTQ+ inclusion and advocacy for a long time. And I have officially declared myself within the consulting space and through doing that, if someone followed up with me and said, Hey, you know, funny enough, I've just come across someone, a colleague of mine who is looking for in LGBTQ+ consultant.
Can I give them your name? So side note, this is also just a testament to good things can come from putting yourself out there. For anyone out there who like has an idea, or they want to start their own business, or they have a way that they want to help people. I know that's a hard thing to do. It's a hard thing to get started, but there are people out there who want your help, but they need to know about you.
They can't go to you if they don't know who you are and what you have to offer. So I said, yes, absolutely. Give them my information. We connected. I asked them, you know, Hey, what's going on? I definitely would love to get involved. I want to learn some more about the project and what you're needing some help on.
And this was an up-and-coming apparel company and they were going to be doing some market research survey to ask their potential customers various things about sort of like their wants and needs pertaining to apparel, clothing, and at what was really cool. I loved this. It started with awareness on their part.
The beginning of their survey was asking about demographic information. And they knew, Hey, we want to represent all people and all identities here. And we want to make sure that we do this in the right way. And they also were like, we realized that Queer people often aren't included and we want to make sure they are by our company.
Whoa, this was so refreshing. This was so cool. You know, it's one thing when I work with companies where they're like not super into the idea of diversity, equity and inclusion, and they're kind of just doing it because I know that they have to, it's a whole other landscape. When someone is saying, Hey, we recognize this, this isn't our experience, but we realize this is a thing.
And so we want to do better. And will you help us do that? They also were really intentional about seeking out someone with lived experience within that community to help get guidance, which I thought was really cool. This was also such a contrast to, there are still so many people out there. I have had so many people say this to me.
Why does there have to be quote unquote, special attention on the needs of LGBTQ+ people because they're really not treated any differently than anyone else. So like, why? So it's like, that takes a toll doing this work and hearing that stance from people regularly. And like, it's one thing to be like, here's why this isn't important.
Here's why our experiences are not the same as straight and cisgender people to then be able to get the in, to help effect change. Someone is already coming to me and saying, we get that part. We are totally on board with that part. We believe it now. Will you help us? Yes.
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(Episode resumes)
So here's the thing, and there was nothing wrong with them not knowing. It's really cool to acknowledge like this isn't my lived experience. This isn't my identity, this isn't something I really know about.
I think that's cool. And for me as somebody who works in DEI, it's certainly something that I have to be conscious of doing. And again, I'm on board with doing. I know it would be irresponsible for me to try to speak to identities that I don't hold and what the needs of those people are. So like, I love to that now getting to be a part of the project was super cool.
They already had a rough template of some questions that they thought they would be good to ask pertaining to finding out people's Queer identity. So, like we had some where to start with. And so I kind of helped them. I was like, you're on the right track. Here's, you know, the way that you said this, that's not right.
Here's the right way to say that. Here's another question that you should include that it's not already in there because again, like no fault of theirs, so you just, how sometimes you just don't know to include things if it's not your own experience. It was wonderful getting to be a part of the project.
They were really happy with the outcome. And after it was done, this was like a joint call, including one of the people was like their marketing director. And she was like, Hey, I want to apologize if I offended you, because if I offended you with the original way that I was trying to ask those questions. And I was like, oh no, Not at all, you know, and I reassured her, like, I think it's really cool that you realized that you may not have known the way to ask those questions.
And I think it's really ethical and responsible of you all as a company to get some guidance there and like, was I offended by it? Oh, not at all. I was energized by it. You know, I was like, Ooh, they tried, but I'm going to help them do it then. Now, the other thing that she cited was she was like, english
isn't my first language. It's my second language. And so like, I wasn't quite sure of all of the translations of the terminology, which, Hey, fair enough. There's a lot of people out there who don't know correct Queer terminology, including native English speakers and people in the U.S., right. So if that's your second language, that's just an additional layer of trickiness.
And that's not something that I would ever fault anyone for. So again, I let her know that I was like, girl, no, you're totally good. Like, this is awesome that, that you all did this and that you're putting attention here. And again, they didn't have to do that. They could have been like, okay, we were going to try, but really we don't know the right way to say it and we don't want to say it wrong.
So, you know what, let's just leave it off the survey and they didn't do that. They easily could have another thing that was really neat is like, as I was giving them the recommendations, here's what needs to be on there. Here's the way that it needs to be worded. We also started talking about, you know, what was the, company's, why for doing this.
Why were they including these questions? Why did they want to know about someone's identities, including whether or not they were LGBTQ+? And so again, they were talking about, like, we recognize that marginalized groups are often left out of the conversation. We want to be intentional about putting them into this one.
That was really cool. And I was like, you knew it. Well, I like let's let people know this. Transparency can be really powerful. It can be really relatable. And it also like dispels this notion of like, we are the expert in this is what's being said, it sort of like invites people in like, Hey, here's why we're doing this because they also had a bit of a concern that like, they didn't want to do it wrong.
And they didn't want someone to be upset or someone to be offended. And I totally related to that. Even for myself as a member of the Queer community, I don't represent all identities within that umbrella. I certainly can't speak to lived experience of someone who's transgender, lesbian, bisexual. Working within the Queer community.
I do have a pulse on the correct terminology, you know, and sort of like what can be helpful there, but do I have that lived experience? No. Have I had other Queer people say to me, you know, Hey, you don't speak for me. Yes. And fair enough. I don't. I can only speak for myself. So I related to this notion of them being like, we don't want to do it wrong and we don't want to offend anyone.
Here's what's kind of tricky. In trying to be inclusive. There's no guarantee that someone won't be offended and there's no guarantee that someone might felt left out of the conversation. As we were talking this out, we were like, let's come up with a way to let people in on that. And we came up with, let's add a question to the survey.
Now, first of all, we put in the beginning of the survey, something to the effect of, this company prioritizes inclusion. And we are asking the following questions in an effort to recognize that marginalized communities are often left out of the conversation. And we want to open that door, you know, to let them be known, something like that.
And I'm paraphrasing. And then we also added a question in there that said. Reminder, this was, uh, a customer research survey. So it was different things like, you know, what kind of clothing do you typically wear? What do you think is the price point for this clothing? Stuff like that. Then we added on there a question that said, do you have any feedback on this survey, including how it could be more inclusive, please let us know.
We would love to hear it. And all of us loved. We were like, Ooh, this is so cool. This is like taking it to the next level. So there you go. I'm just giving you those two. Like if you're putting out surveys to the public or anything, forms documentation, and you're trying to have inclusive language, let that be known.
It's not a secretive thing. It doesn't have to be this like behind the curtain thing. It's actually, I think good to let that be known as a company and to say we put efforts toward inclusion. And I think initially they were like, should we say something like, I'm paraphrasing, but like, we apologize if we didn't do it right.
Or if you don't feel included or something like that. And it was like, no, don't go into it like, assuming that you did wrong. You're putting your best foot forward. Ask it in a way that says, like, we're trying to be inclusive. If you have feedback on how we can do that, we're open to it. Or in fact, we want to hear it.
So that was really cool. I was really proud of the outcome of getting to be a part of that project. And again, it's also like personally healing for me because Queer people are left out of the conversation all the time. We're typically not included in asking about like who people are and getting basic information on them before asking sort of like their feedback on services or products.
So to like, be part of that happening feels so good to me. This is work that I truly love doing because I'm like, wow, this has a greater impact. This is helping to elevate the community in big ways. The community I'm a part of, and that I love being a part of, and that I want to see succeed. For everyone listening,
what can you do? Here's what I would recommend to start, start by, go through your company's forms, just kind of on your own and actively pay attention to language that is specific to straight and cisgender people. Because again, like if you're not trying to, you're probably not going to notice that cause you don't have to usually, but if you sort of read it with a different lens, like let me go through and scan this and let me see.
Does it pertain to all people? Does it pertain to Queer people also. Just give that a go. Again like this. It's okay. If this isn't your expertise and that's not something that you feel like really competent and doing, but I think that's a good place to start because you might see, oh wow. Based on what I just learned today,
there are a lot of things in here that are not inclusive. Now, here's the other thing like inclusive forms and documentation. Yes. Is that a benefit to Queer people? Absolutely. It's not just for us. This is also a win for the entire organization. Why? Because for businesses, inclusion is where it's at.
There has been a societal shift in recognizing the importance of DEI or diversity, equity and inclusion, which largely is due to members of marginalized groups speaking out and people realizing like, oh wow, we need to do better for organizations. It's like either you can ride the wave or you're going to get left behind.
Most organizations don't want to get left behind. They want to sustain. They want to succeed. So like for any business owners out there that are listening to this, here's a great way to be a part of that to ride that wave. And if you're not the business owner or you're not on the executive team, this is also a great way for you to score some points.
I think it looks really good to go to a superior and to be like, I've been learning about the importance of inclusion and how it can benefit our company and how it can benefit you. And here's some ways that we can help with that. So you can score some points there, show some initiative. It also could be the way that you might get the green light to get some financial resources to creating that change, to updating those forms.
That was something that like, when I was internal within companies trying to make those changes, that was often a roadblock that I would get is they be like, oh yeah, thank you so much. We're so glad that was brought to our attention. We'll totally put that on the calendar. You know, for the next time we review these forms out like an undisclosed to be determined date because it takes money.
It takes resources to do that. So sometimes in order to get that started, it's showing someone, Hey, here's the problem before just saying, can we jump to a solution? Sometimes they need to see why it's a problem while I think, you know, go for it and take a look, regardless of what your knowledge and awareness of the LGBTQ+ community is.
I also think you can't know what you don't know, so you will miss things. That review process ultimately needs to be completed by someone with LGBTQ+ plus expertise.
Here's my recommendation. Hire someone. Hire someone with Queer expertise to do a full audit. Every form, every piece of documentation, largely speaking to HR departments out there. When we think about the internal and, and client facing forms, however, we're talking about all forms here, anything that goes out to your company, and anything goes out to the public.
Now this can be an outside consultant, or it could be somebody internal. If it is someone internal, my recommendation is compensate them, make this worth their time and effort because you're asking an additional responsibility of them. You're putting more on their plate. What happens a lot of the time is that companies who have someone who is openly Queer at their company, even if that has nothing to do with the work that they do here, those people are often sort of like tasked with being the catchall for like all things, LGBTQ+, whether they want to or not.
And so. One be mindful of not doing that. Like, let it be an invitation. Hey, we really want to put some time and energy into reviewing our forms and documentation and making them more inclusive. Is that something we could discuss with you? Would you possibly be interested in that? And I would let it be known.
However you want to say this to them, like, and we will compensate you for this additional work.
Whether it's an outside consultant or it's somebody within your agency, I would do a top to bottom review of all forms because one there's considerations for the sections that you already have included and like the, the paperwork that's already written and there's probably sections missing from. So you need someone who's going to recognize, like here's what you already said and here's how to fix that part.
And here's what you forgot to say. And here's what you need to add in there. And from there one, I would do a periodic review and update as needed and any new thing that's going out, I would vet that before it goes out, especially if it's pertaining to identities, especially if you're going to be asking questions about
things pertaining to LGBTQ+ people. I would vet that out before you send it. Now, how I help companies make sure their forms and documentation are inclusive are part of my program for companies and certifying them as LGBTQ+ inclusive includes giving templates on language and saying like, here's what to say.
Here's how to fix it. Here's what not to say. Here's how to word these parts. And with those templates, that's something that you can then go and kind of put your best foot forward and go through all your forms and documentation on your own and update those accordingly. Or if you're like, I don't want to do all that.
That sounds like a lot. Or I'd rather just have you take care of it, Eric. Uh, okay. We can talk about that. If you want me to go through and do a full audit of all your forms and edit them and update them and make sure they are ready to go. I can do that too. Let's talk. So that is all on forms and documentation.
Stay tuned for the next part of this series, where I will be covering what kind of visibility and representation your organization needs to have in physical spaces.
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